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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always produces much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Center For Effective Parenting Handouts
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