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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Challenging Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Challenging Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Challenging Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Challenging Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Challenging Child
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Challenging Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Challenging Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Challenging Child
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Challenging Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Challenging Child
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Challenging Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Challenging Child
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Challenging Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Challenging Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Challenging Child
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