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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Change Child Behavior
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Change Child Behavior
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Change Child Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Change Child Behavior
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Change Child Behavior
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Change Child Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Change Child Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Change Child Behavior
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Change Child Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Change Child Behavior
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Change Child Behavior
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Change Child Behavior
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Change Child Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Change Child Behavior
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Change Child Behavior
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