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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Cherishing.Kids
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Cherishing.Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Cherishing.Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Cherishing.Kids
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Cherishing.Kids
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Cherishing.Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Cherishing.Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Cherishing.Kids
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Cherishing.Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Cherishing.Kids
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Cherishing.Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Cherishing.Kids
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Cherishing.Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Cherishing.Kids
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Cherishing.Kids
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