Child Abuse Discipline – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Child Abuse Discipline
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Abuse Discipline

There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Child Abuse Discipline

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Child Abuse Discipline

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Child Abuse Discipline

Child Abuse Discipline

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Abuse Discipline

First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Child Abuse Discipline

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Child Abuse Discipline

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mom or father you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Abuse Discipline

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it

• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Child Abuse Discipline

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Child Abuse Discipline

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Abuse Discipline

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Child Abuse Discipline

Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Abuse Discipline

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Abuse Discipline

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Abuse Discipline


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