Child Abuse Versus Discipline – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Child Abuse Versus Discipline
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Abuse Versus Discipline

There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Child Abuse Versus Discipline

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Child Abuse Versus Discipline

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Child Abuse Versus Discipline

Child Abuse Versus Discipline

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Abuse Versus Discipline

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they want Child Abuse Versus Discipline

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Abuse Versus Discipline

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mom or father you’ve always intended to be, and help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Abuse Versus Discipline

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Child Abuse Versus Discipline

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Child Abuse Versus Discipline

This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Child Abuse Versus Discipline

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Child Abuse Versus Discipline

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Child Abuse Versus Discipline

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Abuse Versus Discipline

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Abuse Versus Discipline


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