Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Child Abuse Vs Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Child Abuse Vs Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Child Abuse Vs Discipline
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Abuse Vs Discipline
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Child Abuse Vs Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Child Abuse Vs Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Child Abuse Vs Discipline
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Abuse Vs Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Abuse Vs Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.