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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Child Abuse Vs Parental Discipline
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