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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Child Custody Schedules 50 50
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Child Custody Schedules 50 50
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Child Custody Schedules 50 50
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Custody Schedules 50 50
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Child Custody Schedules 50 50
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Child Custody Schedules 50 50
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Child Custody Schedules 50 50
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Custody Schedules 50 50
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Custody Schedules 50 50
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.