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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Discipline By Age
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Child Discipline By Age
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Child Discipline By Age
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Child Discipline By Age
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Discipline By Age
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Child Discipline By Age
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline By Age
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline By Age
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Child Discipline By Age
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Child Discipline By Age
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Discipline By Age
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline By Age
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline By Age
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Discipline By Age
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Child Discipline By Age
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.