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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline Charts
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Child Discipline Charts
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Child Discipline Charts
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Child Discipline Charts
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Discipline Charts
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Child Discipline Charts
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline Charts
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline Charts
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Child Discipline Charts
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Child Discipline Charts
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Discipline Charts
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline Charts
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline Charts
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline Charts
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Child Discipline Charts
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.