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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline Effects
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Child Discipline Effects
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Child Discipline Effects
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Child Discipline Effects
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Discipline Effects
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Child Discipline Effects
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline Effects
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Discipline Effects
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Child Discipline Effects
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Child Discipline Effects
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Discipline Effects
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Child Discipline Effects
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline Effects
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline Effects
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Child Discipline Effects
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