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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline Examples
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Child Discipline Examples
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Child Discipline Examples
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Child Discipline Examples
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Discipline Examples
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Child Discipline Examples
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline Examples
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline Examples
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Child Discipline Examples
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Child Discipline Examples
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Discipline Examples
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Child Discipline Examples
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline Examples
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Discipline Examples
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Child Discipline Examples
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