Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline For Lying
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Child Discipline For Lying
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Discipline For Lying
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Child Discipline For Lying
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Discipline For Lying
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Child Discipline For Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Discipline For Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline For Lying
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Child Discipline For Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Child Discipline For Lying
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Discipline For Lying
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline For Lying
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline For Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline For Lying
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Child Discipline For Lying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.