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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline In The 1950s
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Child Discipline In The 1950s
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Child Discipline In The 1950s
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Child Discipline In The 1950s
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Discipline In The 1950s
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Child Discipline In The 1950s
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline In The 1950s
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Discipline In The 1950s
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Child Discipline In The 1950s
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Child Discipline In The 1950s
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Discipline In The 1950s
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline In The 1950s
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Child Discipline In The 1950s
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Discipline In The 1950s
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Child Discipline In The 1950s
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