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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Child Discipline Laws
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Child Discipline Laws
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Child Discipline Laws
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Child Discipline Laws
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Discipline Laws
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Child Discipline Laws
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Discipline Laws
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline Laws
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Child Discipline Laws
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Child Discipline Laws
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Child Discipline Laws
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Child Discipline Laws
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline Laws
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Discipline Laws
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Child Discipline Laws
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