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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Discipline Nigeria
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Child Discipline Nigeria
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Child Discipline Nigeria
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Child Discipline Nigeria
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Discipline Nigeria
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Child Discipline Nigeria
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Discipline Nigeria
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Discipline Nigeria
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Child Discipline Nigeria
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Child Discipline Nigeria
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Discipline Nigeria
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline Nigeria
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Child Discipline Nigeria
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Discipline Nigeria
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Discipline Nigeria
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.