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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline Programs
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Child Discipline Programs
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Child Discipline Programs
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Child Discipline Programs
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Discipline Programs
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Child Discipline Programs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Discipline Programs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline Programs
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Child Discipline Programs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Child Discipline Programs
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Discipline Programs
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Child Discipline Programs
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Discipline Programs
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline Programs
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Discipline Programs
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.