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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Discipline Questions
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Child Discipline Questions
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Discipline Questions
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Child Discipline Questions
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Discipline Questions
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Child Discipline Questions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline Questions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Discipline Questions
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion under it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Child Discipline Questions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Child Discipline Questions
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Discipline Questions
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Child Discipline Questions
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Child Discipline Questions
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline Questions
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Discipline Questions
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