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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Discipline Research Paper
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Child Discipline Research Paper
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Discipline Research Paper
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Child Discipline Research Paper
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Discipline Research Paper
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Child Discipline Research Paper
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline Research Paper
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline Research Paper
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Child Discipline Research Paper
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Child Discipline Research Paper
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Discipline Research Paper
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline Research Paper
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Discipline Research Paper
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline Research Paper
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Child Discipline Research Paper
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