Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Child Discipline School
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Child Discipline School
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Child Discipline School
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Child Discipline School
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Discipline School
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Child Discipline School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Child Discipline School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline School
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Child Discipline School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Child Discipline School
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Discipline School
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Child Discipline School
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Child Discipline School
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Discipline School
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Discipline School
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.