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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Discipline Statistics
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Child Discipline Statistics
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Discipline Statistics
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Child Discipline Statistics
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Discipline Statistics
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Child Discipline Statistics
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Child Discipline Statistics
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Discipline Statistics
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Child Discipline Statistics
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Child Discipline Statistics
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Discipline Statistics
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Child Discipline Statistics
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Child Discipline Statistics
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Discipline Statistics
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Discipline Statistics
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.