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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Child Does Not Listen
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Child Does Not Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Does Not Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Child Does Not Listen
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Does Not Listen
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Child Does Not Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Does Not Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Does Not Listen
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Child Does Not Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Child Does Not Listen
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Does Not Listen
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Child Does Not Listen
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Child Does Not Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Does Not Listen
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Child Does Not Listen
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