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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Having Accidents In Pants
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Child Having Accidents In Pants
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Child Having Accidents In Pants
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Child Having Accidents In Pants
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Having Accidents In Pants
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Child Having Accidents In Pants
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Having Accidents In Pants
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Having Accidents In Pants
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Child Having Accidents In Pants
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Child Having Accidents In Pants
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Having Accidents In Pants
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Child Having Accidents In Pants
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Having Accidents In Pants
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Having Accidents In Pants
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Having Accidents In Pants
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.