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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Hitting Parents
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Child Hitting Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Child Hitting Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Child Hitting Parents
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Hitting Parents
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Child Hitting Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Hitting Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Hitting Parents
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Child Hitting Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Child Hitting Parents
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Hitting Parents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Child Hitting Parents
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Hitting Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Hitting Parents
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Hitting Parents
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