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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Child Laughs During Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Child Laughs During Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Laughs During Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Child Laughs During Discipline
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Laughs During Discipline
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Child Laughs During Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Laughs During Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Laughs During Discipline
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Child Laughs During Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Child Laughs During Discipline
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Laughs During Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Child Laughs During Discipline
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Laughs During Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Laughs During Discipline
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Laughs During Discipline
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