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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Learning Positive
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Child Learning Positive
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Child Learning Positive
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Child Learning Positive
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Learning Positive
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Child Learning Positive
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Learning Positive
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Learning Positive
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Child Learning Positive
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Child Learning Positive
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Learning Positive
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Child Learning Positive
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Learning Positive
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Learning Positive
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Learning Positive
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