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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Misbehaving At School But Not At Home
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