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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Not Listening To Teacher
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Child Not Listening To Teacher
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Child Not Listening To Teacher
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Child Not Listening To Teacher
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Not Listening To Teacher
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Child Not Listening To Teacher
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Not Listening To Teacher
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Not Listening To Teacher
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Child Not Listening To Teacher
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Child Not Listening To Teacher
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Child Not Listening To Teacher
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Child Not Listening To Teacher
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Not Listening To Teacher
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Not Listening To Teacher
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Not Listening To Teacher
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.