Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Not Listening
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Child Not Listening
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Child Not Listening
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Child Not Listening
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Not Listening
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Child Not Listening
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Not Listening
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Not Listening
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Child Not Listening
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Child Not Listening
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Not Listening
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Child Not Listening
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Not Listening
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Not Listening
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Child Not Listening
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.