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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Child Peeing On Floor
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Child Peeing On Floor
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Child Peeing On Floor
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Child Peeing On Floor
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Peeing On Floor
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Child Peeing On Floor
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Child Peeing On Floor
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Peeing On Floor
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Child Peeing On Floor
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Child Peeing On Floor
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Child Peeing On Floor
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Child Peeing On Floor
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Peeing On Floor
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Peeing On Floor
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Peeing On Floor
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.