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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Pees On Floor
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Child Pees On Floor
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Child Pees On Floor
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Child Pees On Floor
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Pees On Floor
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Child Pees On Floor
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Pees On Floor
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Pees On Floor
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Child Pees On Floor
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Child Pees On Floor
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Pees On Floor
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Child Pees On Floor
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Pees On Floor
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Pees On Floor
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Pees On Floor
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.