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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Purposely Urinating On Floor
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.