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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Child Pushing
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Child Pushing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Child Pushing
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Child Pushing
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Pushing
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Child Pushing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Pushing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Pushing
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Child Pushing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Child Pushing
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Pushing
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Child Pushing
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Child Pushing
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Pushing
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Pushing
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.