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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Raising Books
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Child Raising Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Child Raising Books
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Child Raising Books
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Raising Books
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Child Raising Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Raising Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Raising Books
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Child Raising Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Child Raising Books
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Child Raising Books
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Child Raising Books
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Raising Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Raising Books
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Raising Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.