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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Rearing Books
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Child Rearing Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Child Rearing Books
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Child Rearing Books
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Rearing Books
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Child Rearing Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Rearing Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Rearing Books
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Child Rearing Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Child Rearing Books
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Rearing Books
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Child Rearing Books
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Rearing Books
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Rearing Books
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Rearing Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.