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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Rearing Practices
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Child Rearing Practices
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Child Rearing Practices
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Child Rearing Practices
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Rearing Practices
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Child Rearing Practices
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Rearing Practices
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Rearing Practices
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Child Rearing Practices
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Child Rearing Practices
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Rearing Practices
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Child Rearing Practices
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Child Rearing Practices
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Rearing Practices
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Rearing Practices
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