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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Respecting Parents
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Child Respecting Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Child Respecting Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Child Respecting Parents
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Respecting Parents
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Child Respecting Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Respecting Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Respecting Parents
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Child Respecting Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Child Respecting Parents
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Child Respecting Parents
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Child Respecting Parents
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Child Respecting Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Respecting Parents
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Respecting Parents
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