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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Shaming
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Child Shaming
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Child Shaming
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Child Shaming
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Shaming
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Child Shaming
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Shaming
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Shaming
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Child Shaming
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Child Shaming
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Child Shaming
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Child Shaming
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Shaming
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Shaming
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Shaming
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