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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Sharing
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Child Sharing
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Child Sharing
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Child Sharing
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Sharing
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Child Sharing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Sharing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Sharing
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Child Sharing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Child Sharing
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Sharing
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Child Sharing
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Sharing
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Sharing
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Sharing
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