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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Spirituality
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Child Spirituality
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Child Spirituality
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Child Spirituality
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Spirituality
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Child Spirituality
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Spirituality
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Child Spirituality
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Child Spirituality
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Child Spirituality
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Spirituality
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Child Spirituality
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Spirituality
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Spirituality
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Spirituality
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