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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Whines All The Time
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Child Whines All The Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Child Whines All The Time
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Child Whines All The Time
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Whines All The Time
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Child Whines All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Whines All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to become the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Whines All The Time
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Child Whines All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Child Whines All The Time
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Whines All The Time
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Child Whines All The Time
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Whines All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Whines All The Time
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Whines All The Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.