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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Will Not Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Child Will Not Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Child Will Not Listen
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Child Will Not Listen
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Child Will Not Listen
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Child Will Not Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Child Will Not Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Child Will Not Listen
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Child Will Not Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Child Will Not Listen
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Will Not Listen
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Child Will Not Listen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Will Not Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Will Not Listen
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Child Will Not Listen
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