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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Won’t Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Child Won’t Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Child Won’t Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Child Won’t Listen
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Won’t Listen
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Child Won’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Won’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Child Won’t Listen
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Child Won’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Child Won’t Listen
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Won’t Listen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Child Won’t Listen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Won’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Won’t Listen
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Won’t Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.