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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Discipline Methods
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Children Discipline Methods
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Children Discipline Methods
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Children Discipline Methods
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Children Discipline Methods
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Children Discipline Methods
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Children Discipline Methods
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to become the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Children Discipline Methods
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Children Discipline Methods
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Children Discipline Methods
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Children Discipline Methods
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Children Discipline Methods
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Children Discipline Methods
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Discipline Methods
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Children Discipline Methods
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.