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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Discipline Techniques
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Children Discipline Techniques
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Children Discipline Techniques
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Children Discipline Techniques
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Discipline Techniques
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Children Discipline Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Children Discipline Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Children Discipline Techniques
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Children Discipline Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Children Discipline Techniques
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Children Discipline Techniques
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Children Discipline Techniques
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Children Discipline Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Discipline Techniques
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Children Discipline Techniques
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.