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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Children Discipline
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Children Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Children Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Children Discipline
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Children Discipline
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Children Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Children Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Children Discipline
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Children Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Children Discipline
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Children Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Children Discipline
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Children Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Discipline
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Children Discipline
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