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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Fights
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Children Fights
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Children Fights
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Children Fights
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Children Fights
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Children Fights
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Children Fights
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Children Fights
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Children Fights
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Children Fights
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Fights
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Children Fights
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Children Fights
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Fights
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Children Fights
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.