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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Hitting Parents
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Children Hitting Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Children Hitting Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Children Hitting Parents
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Hitting Parents
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Children Hitting Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Children Hitting Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Children Hitting Parents
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Children Hitting Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must agree to offer first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Children Hitting Parents
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Hitting Parents
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Children Hitting Parents
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Children Hitting Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Hitting Parents
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Children Hitting Parents
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