Children Hitting Themselves – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

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Children Hitting Themselves
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Hitting Themselves

There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Children Hitting Themselves

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Children Hitting Themselves

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Children Hitting Themselves

Children Hitting Themselves

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Children Hitting Themselves

Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they want Children Hitting Themselves

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Children Hitting Themselves

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Children Hitting Themselves

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling beneath it

• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Children Hitting Themselves

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Children Hitting Themselves

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Hitting Themselves

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Children Hitting Themselves

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Hitting Themselves

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Hitting Themselves

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Children Hitting Themselves


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